tran

jean

nikki

I'm Nikki, a creative old soul who loves tea time, tip-toeing through gardens, mounds of books, swaying to records, watercolors, sunset walks with Rusty, and star-gazing with Paul. This blog carries snippets of my life with just us two (three with Rusty) - I hope it brings you happiness as you snuggle in with your cup of tea and begin reading. Enjoy, friends!

the blog!

If I had to choose:

My Worst Critic

Where have I been lately?

I’ts funny, because almost every time I write in my diary (yes, I still keep a diary) I write the same thing: Where have I been? Because to be honest, sometimes I get so caught up in life or the aspect of not having anything to write about, that I became MIA when actually writing about life. I really wanted to blog weekly and I’m so mad at myself for quitting. It’s like when people want to make a commitment to work out. And then you miss one day. So then you think you can miss another day. And another. And eventually it just altogether stops. Oddly enough, this workout scenario is all too familiar with me. Another thing I’m angry at myself for. However, this is not a negative post – I just thought I owe my blog (and eventually my diary) an explanation. :)

So, back to the first question: where have I been? Well, this is clearly my slow season. My last wedding was in December and my next one is in April (so stinkin’ excited for this year’s wedding season!!) so I’ve been doing lots of odds and ends in the business department.  Almost weekly I’ve been creating to-do lists in my office – my brain runs about 100 mph and so as soon as I remember one thing I need to make/buy/do, I’m already thinking about 10 different things that I also have to make/buy/do. Thank goodness for Post-It notes to keep this brain organized. I’m happy to say that in this slow season I’ve accomplished quite a bit – however, there are those days, sometimes too many, when I just feel like I’m collapsing. I’m not getting everything done like I should. The list of to do’s is flowing into the following week’s to-do’s. I’m falling behind on work, or worse: I’m falling behind on myself.

I was talking to my sister the other day and we were venting about things in our everyday lives like sisters do, and one of our main issues we talked about was ourselves. We are just too hard on ourselves. We expect so much and when we don’t get the results we expect ourselves to have, we feel demolished and embarrassed – like we’re collapsing under our own self’s pressure. I’m sure everybody deals with being their own worst critic. I’ve been my own worst critic since jump street. I beat myself up over the littlest things and some days, my poor self begins to crack under the pressure. I’m my own worst critic and enemy. And to be honest, it’s getting old. How can you feel good about yourself when you’re always getting picked on?

During the next month and few weeks that I have to myself, I’m going to be working hard on being nice to myself and playing fair – if I don’t get something done when I thought I would have, I’m not going to pout all day. However, I am going to be working hard on helping myself feel better – yes, the healthy kick. Everybody had a new fitness/health goal at the beginning of the year and I am no different. I’m totally fine with eating chocolate chips for breakfast. And lunch. No shame in my game. However, the shame part comes on when I realize that the swimsuit I wore on our honeymoon now feels and looks as if I haven’t worn it since I was 12. And since we just randomly booked a trip to Mexico for this year, I am not about to bring the shame on that trip. Besides, taking care of myself shouldn’t be a last priority anymore.

So, whether you are hard on yourself for not having a clean kitchen, or for not making as much money as you want, or for not being as fit as you’d like, remember to be nice to yourself. Perhaps write a list of things you love about yourself and your life – it can really make all the difference. :)

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