Hello dear friends! How are you? Are you getting whiplash from the spring/winter weather, too? I think the worst part is usually I would think 45-50 degrees is warm compared to winter, but after Mother Nature gave us that random 73 degree day, I’m hunkered down in the house until it hits mid 50’s to 60! My younger self wouldn’t believe me — she loved this kind of waiting game. All the drama, never knowing when spring will officially hit…ahhh, to be young and hopeful again.

Ha! Just kidding. I’m still young (aren’t we all just kids in grown-up clothes anyway?) and I’m, happy to say, still very much hopeful. :)

I’ll give a brief update on how my mental health is going (if you’d rather skip and go to the meat of the post, feel free to scroll down — I’ll never be offended!).

1. I hit another dip in the valley during this month due to my own invisible rules I put upon myself, and just overall forgetting to take care of myself as if I don’t still have depression (which I do). I thought I could power through any emotions or stress or low moments and pretend they didn’t exist. I thought I could use up way more energy than I had in the tank, and about a week and a half ago, I officially crashed. Intrusive thoughts came slithering back, random sobbing and shaking returned, and overall my outlook on life was bleak. I became, once again, tired of living.
   
2. Thankfully, after rereading my diaries and having wonderful talks with my therapist, I’m back on the mend. I’m back to accepting that this might be my life here on out. I might be the aunt that always can’t commit to plans, or the family member that can only stay for a “quick visit” before I lose energy and crash. Or the friend that cancels plans last minute due to unforeseen mood changes. I might never know what kind of day I’m getting when I wake up. I might always need to reach in my coping toolbox and treat myself like I’m a sick child. I might still need to lay on the couch for an entire day. I might still cry and have very low moments. And that’s okay. This was the hand I was dealt, and as Joan of Arc says, “I am not afraid. I was born to do this.” (Some days I don’t feel this confident and accepting of what’s going on, but that is something I’ll continue practicing for however long, maybe forever.)

And that’s my story so far! If anyone else is suffering from mental health issues, please know you’re not alone. It’s scary, it’s surreal, it’s daunting, but you’re never alone (even though depression tells you that you are; you’re not). Talk to people, normalize it, and don’t give up. Nobody would be happier without you in their lives and you’re not a burden.

Here we go! Do you have something warm to sip? I have my pot of tea next to me; I’m using my very first teapot and teacup — nostalgia and all that good stuff. :) Do you have a pet friend you’re cuddling with? A lovely view to look out as you read and then drift into daydreams? I hope so. I have a youtube video playing in the background of spring birds singing. It’s almost like the real deal. I can’t wait to open the front porch and windows. Perhaps tomorrow as it reaches 60?! Huzzah!

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. Not even a wink until after 4am. I thought, Well, I could go downstairs and paint. No…too tired to do that, just not tired enough to fall asleep. I tried meditating and even listened to a bedtime story from my Calm app (my favorite is Winnie-the-Pooh read by Tom Hiddleston; so soothing), but nothing helped. So, I decided to reread my entire blog from the beginning. I haven’t done that in…ever? I don’t remember ever going through them all. Needless to say, it was a lot of reading, even though I had purged the blog years ago and got rid of many posts. But it was fascinating and I learned so much just by reading my own words.

I watched myself go from happy-go-lucky-everything is magical and beautiful-I love making art and living creatively- to I’m not doing enough-I don’t have a purpose-I need a “real job”-I’m going to go teach-my art and writing has fell by the wayside- to eventually complete burnout and depression. It was incredibly humbling and sad to read. Maybe I can only see all of that because I know what was going on in the background, but I tried to see it as someone just reading from the outside. My posts used to be all giddy and getting pleasure in the simplest things, and then I just fell. My diaries reflect the same pattern; by late 2016, I had written that I felt as if I was losing myself. It was at that time that I had started a “real job” and also developed three new stress ticks: TMJ, eye twitching, and a lump sensation in my throat. All brand new. And then was diagnosed with a stomach ulcer due to stress once again (I was diagnosed with the same issue back in high-school when I was being bullied).

As I continued reading my blog, I kept wanting to yell at myself: “Nooo! What you’re doing is already good enough! You are doing what’s good for your soul! Noooo!! Keep going!! You have a job!!” But as you all know, I couldn’t go back in time and tell her all of that, and I know it’s for the better. I needed to go through the last 10ish years, I needed to try teaching, I needed to realize what I truly couldn’t live without, and that is art and writing. I remember writing in my diary that if I couldn’t teach for the rest of my life, I’d be sad, but I would move on. However, if I couldn’t make art or write, that would kill me. It’s truly part of who I am, and I guess I’m just incredibly grateful that I made it to this side and that I have the freedom to live that life again (and that I now see how valuable creating and writing is, even to my mental health).

I feel that all of these lessons that have been thrown at me this month is perfect for the season of spring. It’s like starting over, a fresh slate, blank page, etc. Spring has always been my favorite season, and I’ve always been so grateful that my birthday lands in mid-April. I don’t think I would be the way I am if I was born in a different month…I’m spring in human form, at least that’s what I like to tell myself. I would say my sister is autumn in human form — cozy, warm, huggable, and always smelling of good coffee and pumpkin candles. Hmmm…maybe that’s something I could paint. Instead of a “Get to Know the Artist” painting, it could be a seasonal painting reflecting characteristics/favorite things…hmmm…will mull on that for a bit.

Oh! One more thing about my mental health and then I promise I’ll move on (it dominates a lot of my life so I apologize if it runs rampant on the blog, too). I haven’t been officially diagnosed (mostly because it’s expensive and now that I know, I don’t see the need right now), but after doing some screenings with my psychiatrist and after many therapy sessions, I show “significant signs/symptoms of ADHD.” Oh my goodness, it has been a true breath of fresh air. Another lovely thing to add the renewal of spring. I’m learning so much about myself and how to function in my daily life that is beneficial to me. I’m also learning there’s nothing wrong with me. Huzzah!! It’s been a game-changer and something I’m very excited about. Anyone else find out something important about yourself as an adult?

Hold on. Refilling my cup. Sugar, check. Cream, check. Okay, here we go.

Let’s see, what else has been a breath of fresh air, a note of spring in the air? Hmmm…

Oh, I know. Do you remember a long time ago, when dinosaurs roamed and I blogged about projects I had planned for the garden that included a shed? Well dear friends, the time has come. Our old shed was torn down yesterday by yours truly and Paulie (which included me getting knocked in the face by the roof – no concussion thank goodness! And no broken nose — I definitely thought it would be broken, but all is well; just a bit sore), and the new greenhouse!!!! is arriving in about two weeks!!!!!! (Greenhouse was much cheaper than a shed, too!) Friends, I can’t contain my excitement, even as I type. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s a little greenhouse with windows that open, natural light of course, and a built-in desk/table to work on. I have so many ideas on how to decorate, what to plant around it, what kind of path I want leading up to it, and I’m even going to have a small deck/porch where I can do yoga outside in complete privacy!! And then I can have a table and chairs out there for visitors or friends that come for tea. :) I’ve been dreaming of something this magical for years; I still can’t believe it’s going to happen. I’ll post photos once it’s ready to be shown. I’m going to write out there, paint, read, take my tea out there, sit and be, and also use it as a place to go when I’m having low moments. I simply can’t wait. I’m going to hang a laundry line from it to the garage and finally get to hang clothes outside, something I’ve wanted to do since we had our first house in the country. I just can’t wait. :)

There’s a feeling of renewal with working on the 2026 calendar, too. Would you believe that I already have 7 months complete? Just 5 more to go, plus the cover!! And if I may be so bold, it’s definitely my best work. I’ve been taking my time finding new quotes and painting new images; it’s all coming together beautifully. Ideally, I would have them done next month so they could be in stores for summer tourism, but realistically, I can’t guarantee any of that. I keep telling myself, as long as people have them in their hands by the holidays, all is well. I know a lot of you give them as gifts so I’ll make sure you have enough time to do so. :) (A preview of June is below — even little Lucy made it. :))

And one more thing to do with spring! I wanted to offer you a little gift for being so wonderful to me!!

If you go to the bottom of my website and subscribe (unless you’re already subscribed, then you have already gotten your gift!) or reload the page to see the pop-up asking you to subscribe reappear. However you do it, go ahead and subscribe and you’ll get an email from me with a link to a recent art piece I did (JPEG) that you can save and print for yourself!! It’s sized as 5×7 and I added a thin border so you’ll know where to cut. I printed mine on both card stock and regular printer paper — I’m partial to card stock, but it looks lovely on both. :) Put it in a cute frame and spring has sprung forth right before your very eyes! Thank you, thank you, thank you for continuing on this road with me. :) And if you think someone will like to sign up for my blog updates, send them my blog link! The more the merrier! :)

That’s all for today, friends!! Happy Spring, enjoy the sunshine, and I’ll see you soon.

Big hugs and love to you,

PS. Here’s a fun video that I recorded of me making the print. :) Except the one you’re getting is a beautiful blue. :)