Content Warning: suicide

I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, doctor, etc. I am a person who was diagnosed with recurrent major depressive disorder (MDD) and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) in January of 2024. I am someone who has been prescribed an antidepressant, birth control (for hormone balance), and hydroxyzine*.

I am someone who grew up with these symptoms (mostly anxiety), but thought it was normal and that everyone experienced it. I am someone who had more severe symptoms (of both depression and anxiety) in 2018, 2019, periods of 2023, and officially in 2024. I assumed I was weak and that there must be something I’m doing wrong to have caused it.

I am someone who comes from a family with a long line of anxiety and depression (it rears its ugly head on both sides of my family, actually). I am one of many cousins who have seeked therapy and medication to cope with our struggles. I am someone who has lost multiple family members from death by suicide and never knew they were struggling.

I am someone who had a doctor (a gynecologist, in fact) that listened to me in January 2024. (She also was the doctor that listened to me in 2015 when I desperately needed a hysterectomy at the age of 25 in order to live a healthy life.) She told me this was treatable, she hugged me, she comforted me, and she prescribed medication* while also encouraging me to seek therapy immediately, and an appointment with a psychiatrist.

I am someone who meshed better than I could have imagined with my therapist upon meeting her. (I tried therapy in 2019 and it just didn’t work out, so I was skeptical.) I also was lucky enough to be set-up with a psychiatrist I respect and who listens to me.

I am someone who is lucky enough to have a large support system, including family, friends, neighbors, doctors, and even online social media friends. I know that is not always the truth for others, so I just want to acknowledge that: I know I’m privileged and I don’t take it for granted. Maybe you are someone who is in the exact opposite situation. That doesn’t make you any less stronger, or any less worthy of being here. I hope you know that, and I hope you will try things in this blog series, like the warrior and fighter you are. My contact link is at the top of the page; you are not alone. I’m here to be part of your support system. 

I say all this because there are many, many, many people who are not so fortunate. I don’t say this in a bragging way, but more in an urgent way for others to see what’s going on. And to see that there is a need for action in the mental health arena. There is a need for people to let go of their mental health stigma and to hear others crying out for help, however quiet they may be.

I have read countless accounts of people living with depression who are alone in it. They don’t have a support system, they don’t have someone at home to help them in emergencies, they don’t have great health insurance to help with therapy and medication. And it’s a problem. I don’t have the answers, but I do have a voice, no matter how little it may be, to advocate for people with mental health illnesses. To help people feel they’re not alone. And to teach others what they can do to help those in need. And that is what I hope this blog series does for you or for someone you know. 

I am someone who is a stranger to almost all reading this. But we’re never alone.

I cannot guarantee you will read this and feel happier (although I would be thrilled if that did happen and I’m hoping with every fiber of my being that that is what happens). If nothing else, I hope it gives you a spark of hope, or that it releases a tiny ounce of tension or pain on your heart knowing someone understands what you’re going through or have gone through. I hope it makes you feel seen, heard, and cared for. I hope it gives you a bit more strength to see how tomorrow will turn out. 

Sending you big hugs and love,

*It’s important that I’m transparent with all of this if I want to be serious about helping others. Some people need medication to function on a daily basis. Others don’t. We’re all different. I want you to know the perspective you’re getting as you read this series.

Continue reading more from the Snowdrops series here.